Marriages & Love

Love is an act of caring. If you're in love, it means that you care. If someone loves you, it means that they care for you. It's so simple, yet it's the thing that brings butterflies in your stomach, it makes you angry at times, makes you go crazy, and sometimes even makes you feel whether it's worth it not. How could this be? Caring doesn't yield so may outcomes! Hence, there is a separate word for this feeling. It's called love. It's sophisticatedly natural. It's so deep, yet we dive into it. It intimidates us, but we find it comfy. Just like our imagination, love is a universe in itself.

Okay, cut the crap, come to the point. Alright, if you think being in love with the wrong person negatively affects you, you should reconsider it. Consider this, forget love for a while, take making a conversation with someone, how good are you at that? Of course, you'd ace it with your best friends and people you're interested in but how about a conversation with someone you don't like, are you good at that? Frankly, I am not. I can't even tolerate them being around me. Why is it that we don't like someone? It's because of their characteristics that don't align with our mindset and values. In other words, our perception towards them, this is where the complication starts. Human beings generally avoid negativity but accept the negative things said about them. Some may say that I don't, but no one will disagree that they do ponder over it time and again. Our brain is not something very complicated. It's like a bodyguard, seeking comfort and safeguarding us from troubles. The brain interprets our negative perception towards someone and promotes feelings like anger and irritation, which in turn makes us escape the situation. See how cleverly it safeguarded us from an uncomfortable environment. As we all know, we cannot progress by staying in our comfort zone. Hence, our brain limits our progress.

Now you may say I genuinely don't want to talk to them, and I ask why? If your answer is because of the perception you have, you may want to reconsider it.  If it's anything else, that's a different topic but, do remember that we live in a society, and communication is one of the most vital skills one should have. Don't avoid someone because of their appearance, social status, or their social life. Karma always comes back.

 

Reverting to the topic of being in love, my sole motive of writing the above para's, were to establish that there is nothing called the wrong person. I agree compatibility can be an issue, but, if we observe, this has become an issue in recent times. Let's travel a little back to the age of arranged marriages because, open relationships were not allowed back then. Look at the statistics, hardly 5% of the arranged marriages fail. Want to know the statistics for love marriages? Well over 40% fail. Before you start thinking that I am here to promote arranged marriage, hold on for a while. Let's look at both sides. Starting with arranged marriages, you may think that the failure rate is so low because it is difficult for a divorcee to re-marry. I can agree to that but, the generation has changed since then, and we've become more acceptable to these things. I think this way they didn't have the option to leave and get rid of it (because of the society obviously) that is why if they wanted to live at all they had to accept the other person's flaws and learn to live with it. Cherishing the good memories and embracing their partners. With time and the efforts put by their partners, they fall in love with each other all over again. Let's have a look at love marriage, especially of this generation, we marry the person of our choice, yet we fail to live a life happily together. The problem is that we should understand there is nothing as such. Love being what it is, is also very boring more like a responsibility. It's the best boring thing that can happen to you but, when we don't find the sparkles anymore, we feel it's not working anymore. Our generation gives up too fast, we don't understand sacrifice and live life like a dopamine hunter.

This doesn't mean that you should continue a toxic relationship but, before taking any action do retrospect. I would also like to address a few things but, this is gonna be very straight forward. Heartbroken? Move on! Cheating? Remember karma! Someone you like, is not into you? Try for a couple of times, if it doesn't work out, Move on! Someone likes you, but you're not into them? Don't ignore or use them, tell them what you feel. You must be thinking, hey wait. I know all these. Yes, exactly, you know all these but, you're still stuck, why? Because you don't love yourself as much.

As important it is to have empathy, it is equally important to love yourself. In either case of love, if you're in it or out of it, but wait some may say I am in between, it's not a good place to be, get over it; if someone has no issue with themselves, being with someone is just like a bumper bonus in life. The complication arises in the first place when we don't know ourselves and can't accept the demons inside of us. Reading all the above para's you must be wondering so my life is all about understanding the other person and compromising? What about me? My answer would be at least try consistently for a while, you'll find your happiness right over there. If you're comfortable with yourself and know nothing in the world is perfect and you also have flaws, the next time you get into a quarrel with someone, instead of defending yourself you'll try to understand why the other person is behaving that way, that is a progress! Also, don't go searching for love, you already have yourself to pamper and it's not easy. The things in the universe are aligned in such a way that the right things will happen to you at the right moment. If you focus on yourself, making a career/do what you love doing or what you're supposed to do, you'll find someone in your journey and don't be ignorant at that time. Accept life for what it is and you'll never be disappointed because you're accepting not expecting! Don't forget to take action though.

post-script: This was supposed to be a part of a book which I started writing on Mental Health; but did not find it fruitful enough so dumped the idea.