Reflection
Today I am writing to take a step back and observe my journey. I started like everyone does. I don't think I had any proper sense when I was a child (what am I talking, no one has sense at that tender age). But when I look back, all I remember are the moments which stood out from the usual days. Things like being the school commander in the assembly, getting caught cheating in an exam once, scoring the highest marks several times and even getting punished for not doing homework are there; but these don't really give me that nostalgic feel. It's just like, yeah, these happened. But, things like getting bullied once and of course complaining about it, traveling to new destinations during vacations, hosting events, going to village and using stem as toothbrush, watching men wear shawl in winters, and observing how people are able to stay happy (not necessarily satisfied) in a village with scarce resources are still mesmerizing to me.
Then I moved to a comparatively developed country for high school. The fear of leaving home was over withing a week mainly because I was in a friendly paying guest with classmates instead of a hostel with strict rules. As usual, I started studying initially because that is what I came for. But, this time around I didn't have my mom near me, no tuition teacher so basically I was a free bird with no restrictions and slowly I deviated from studies and that has an effect in me till date, that I've lost my interest in studies. Obviously, I did not do well in my high school. Although, I was able to get into a good college, this had marked a scar in me which I wanted to erase. This is where I started screwing up real bad. This time I was in an even better place compared to high school. This time I had more pressure and this made me want to achieve more, do more. But what for? I am thinking about it right now, these don't matter to me when I look back. I know it may hurt my chances of a potential career but even if I get there if I look back I'll still feel what I am feeling right now because I am what I am from the core.
The thing that I forgot was that I am from a third world country, I have seen people living happily in not so good environments and here when I have a good environment I am running after a better alternative. Why? I am not saying I should just chill, relax and become a snorlax. But, let's not get into the trap of unnecessarily trying to achieve more due to peer pressure. I know people around you maybe achieving great successes but they've a different background and mindset than yours. This attempt to fit-in the society will just kill the soul in you. It was nice that I got a good vacation wherein I was able to ponder over this, else without even realizing I would've have reached a place which didn't really matter to my core, doing something just because everyone was doing it and would be figuring out what went wrong. I am grateful for everything I have. The clearest difference I can make out when I just look at my current and home country side by side is that we had less population and that is why we could talk to people and get to know them genuinely instead of just talking to get some work done. We didn't make friends to get some advantage somewhere (at least in childhood). Here it feels like a lost one in a herd of sheep. (please don't interpret the adjective meaning of sheep I just meant cattle or a large group)
Earlier I always wished that I should have been born in a developed country but now, I am able to really feel that yes, there's two sides of a coin in almost everything. The most important and beautiful resources are natural (cold breeze in a farm, rain after a sunny day, sunlight in winters, love, compassion, touch of a leaf, smell of soil before rain, it's endless) which almost every country has. The rest are just man made, of course they're note worthy but nothing can replace the abundance and feel of natural things. This is why I love that I am from a third world country.
