Q&A on Love and Mental Health


Describe the best kind of love.

Love which is unconditional. Cliché? Haha. You’ll receive this kind of love only from your parents. Trust me not even your siblings, or your spouse, or your so called friends will love you unconditionally. Forget them, even you will not be able to love someone unconditionally unless you become a parent. Rest all is just nature’s play. This is the best and most underrated kind of love. You may argue that even this becomes a little annoying when you’re transitioning from teen to adult. I agree that it's called the best kind, not the perfect kind.


How do I maintain a good relationship with my loved ones?

It’s easy if you stay outside your home country. Remember their birthdays and anniversaries, if you can’t, set up the calendar or ask your sibling to remind you. Call them 2-3 or at least once a week and talk to them properly, ask them about their day, the gossip in the locality, their health and tell them that you miss them even if you don’t.
If you stay at home, learn how to cook and serve them with good food. Plan an outing at least once a month. It’s okay to skip sometimes. Gather everybody and watch the rainfall sometimes, get nostalgic and cry about earlier times and talk, what else.


What is the right time to try a relationship/fall in love/find a partner?

Time? Love is inexplicable man, it just happens. Well, actually if you’re in the dating game a little early on in life (before 20s) it’s highly unlikely that it’ll work out coz (i) sometime down the line you’ll question whether you committed too early on (ii) before 20s is the rapid growing phase and this is when people change as per their likings, choices and experiences so stability is rare. Not saying not possible but definitely difficult. Now, if you’re in your 20s, technically an adult in society terms. First see if you’re financially independent, if not do that first (love won’t pay your bills) and then go explore. The world is waiting for you.


How do I know that I am in love? (in terms of a spouse)

Read the previous answer first. If you’re not an adult it’ll probably be better to grow up first. Now, if you think of her to be the mother of your children or plan your entire life with her or think about her all the time, it may not necessarily be love. Brain has it’s tricks and it likes messing around. So, if you’re attracted to that person not just by her appearance but also by her mindset and how she sees the world, you always want to see her happy and want to bring stars & moon for her and you’re not hesitant to share your most vulnerable moments with her and finally you want to introduce her to your parents; boy oh boy you’re in love! P.S ask her if she feels the same, don’t get your heart broken.


How do I unlove someone?

Do the basics first, delete contact, mementos and all the memories on your phone. Write/say/cry your heart out about the pain you’re going through. Don’t immediately try new stuff, or start partying frequently, rather sleep a lot, and just try to get used to the fact that whatever has happened has happened and this is how life is going to be. If they’ve passed away the pain will be of a high magnitude but bearable considering it’s the way of life. If they’ve just left your life, the pain will be confusing at first but the baggage of it for a long time will make you suffer. No wonder that they say, Life is painful.
Love is not an on off switch, it’s not possible to unlove someone, you either forgive them or get used to it and hope nothing but the best for them anyway, in spite of all the suffering you’ve been through, coz if you don’t do so, the emotional baggage will become too heavy to carry at some point and you’ll break down.


 

What is the cure to anxiety and loneliness?

Human race has evolved in tribes, no wonder there's a caste system because of that and no wonder that you feel this way because we’re just not used to it i.e. why you should find/make a tribe. A tribe of people with common interests and with whom you're comfortable sharing your feelings. Don’t look down upon people who’re always in a group, it’s the way we’ve evolved and will continue to do so; it’s just that one should not restrict oneself to that one specific group, you can have several groups and friends even outside of groups.


Why is it that I have a constant desire to talk to people and I have no one to talk to?

You’re probably holding onto something, maybe it was a habit before and now your brain defaults you to repeat those actions. As blunt as it may sound, talk to yourself by speaking and recording your speech, or writing. Do that for quite some time and when you look back you’ll see you’ve actually talked a lot and you’ve run out of content or you’re talking bullshit now i.e. when you’re normal again; go conquer the world now!
 

I have been alone for quite some time and my soul is craving for some connection.

It is quite evident that you’ve still not spent a lot of time by yourself, coz in this noisy world having time all on your own is a blessing. Anyway, try socializing not via digital means, but in person, go to parks or random places where you’ll find people and try talking to them. I will not ask you to start loving yourself and endure loneliness because how do you even do that when you’re in a phase where you don’t even see anything good in the world, let alone yourself. So, I would suggest you to make something: food, pottery, paintings, music, write a poem, dance, anything but get creative.
 

What do I do about my self-realization of inferiority and jealousy from the ones who are lucky?

How do you define inferiority? Whatever be your basis of that, it’s according to you and it’s not necessary that others have the same perspective; matter of fact that this inferiority/superiority (if you think you are) is just in your head/mindset. Life is more than that, this would be weird but I would say become obsessed with yourself. Life is suffering anyway so being obsessed about yourself and then life bringing you down will maintain the balance. It is true that the privileged ones are lucky but they just got lucky, why don’t you make someone lucky? (probably your kids) that’ll give you even more happiness than being just lucky.
 

Talk to me about Procrastination

We procrastinate because we've failed in something before or just don’t feel like doing something. But more so because we’re privileged enough to have the luxury to procrastinate, if you were someone who earns in the day to afford food for the night, would you still procrastinate? Be grateful for that and get your lazy ass working. Make your fear of failure a driving force to succeed this time. You may fail again but you’ll definitely feel at least you gave your best shot instead of just regretting again. Try these, it's not a cure but, of some help to get you back on track.

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